The Blocks in Session
What is your relationship with blocks in EFT therapy?
A lot of us want to "make it better" or push people to where we want them to be, instead of trusting the blocks and leaning into them.
I still do this. Sometimes I do it when I'm tired. Other times I just misread a response. Or, l lose my curiosity because I'm a little frustrated with things being slow (which only makes things last longer).
When should you expect a block? In tango move 4 - blocks show up ALL the time. Expect them, welcome them, befriend them. Hold the space for your clients to make sense of their blocks. The safety will help them own the ways they hurt their partners and rob themselves of what they need.
When you process the enactment - the partner sharing won't always be able to share with the same vulnerability that he/she just processed with you. The receiving partner won't necessarily interpret the tears/words in a way that you or the partner that shared expected.
This is why the cycle exists in the first place!
Kenny has been talking a lot recently about the difference between a bargain and a bond.
As we track the cycle - let's be sure that our reflections don't send the message, "Don't do that/do this instead." When we are afraid of blocks - without meaning to, we send our clients that message. They then think the goal is to behave better and bargain with each other. "If I stop raising my voice, will you stop checking out?" That never works long term.
Sometimes clients will perceive this even if you try your very best NOT to send that message.
We want to make sense and get repetition around those blocks. Those are the very places that lead us to primary emotions/disowned parts and attachment longings/fears. That's the good stuff! But, without the blocks - we never get there. There is no short cut to emotional experiencing.
You'll notice a difference in yourself when you stop being afraid of the blocks (and trust EFT). For me, I feel much more connected to my clients when I make space for their reactivity and open myself up to the attachment intent that is motivating the blocks. I don't feel the need to make anything happen - I see my clients connecting dots and owning/opening up. It happens organically. Everyone knows what not to do - no one needs to be told "You should really not be so critical/angry/shutdown." What they need is what we all need - a safe space to explore.
When what's unknown becomes known, we feel compassion for our own humanity. And when we feel compassion, we see ourselves differently and turn toward people. We connect.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!