“YES, And…”

This is a revised post from something I wrote in October of 2020. It came up in a conversation recently, so I thought I would re-introduce the concept to you.

"YES, And…"

Raise your hand if you love Tina Fey. Now raise your hand if you've read Bossypants. *Squeal!* This is one of my all-time favorite books.

In Bossypants, Tina (I'll call her by her first name because she really feels like my friend) writes about the rules of improv. She makes the point that the rules of improv are also a great way to live. Rule number one when two people are improvising is to always agree and to add to whatever the person gives you (YES, and..). From the book:
 

"If I start a scene with "I can't believe it's so hot in here," and you just say "Yeah"...we're kind of at a standstill. But if I say, "I can't believe it's so hot in here," and you say, "Yes, this can't be good for the wax figures,"...now we're getting somewhere."

As I was reading this, I had the thought: That's what we do as EFT therapists! We say, “YES, and…”

Let me give you an example from an intensive I did:

I was working with an individual who is a burnt-out pursuer. The withdrawer shared from a tender place. When I asked the pursuer how it was to hear it, she said, "I feel nothing."

I said, "Right. You feel nothing. You trained yourself to feel nothing. Of course, that makes sense that you wouldn't feel a thing right now."

She then said, "I feel like I should feel something." To which I said, "Right, there's a part of you that knows this is different and maybe there's a feeling in there...can you let him know that even though you see his tears, you feel nothing?"

And then she cried.

Always YES, and..

Try this: Go watch late night television (Jimmy Fallon, or The Ellen Show or any improv) and notice how they do "YES, and…".

Then, see what it's like to notice this in your work.