“What’s That Like?”

I recently watched a tape with a supervisee, and she nailed it. This tape is one she can submit for Certification. It’s excellent. I saw her move through the tango with ease, excellent focus, amazing attachment reframes  - and she worked well with emotion. 

The one tip I gave her is to get rid of “What’s that like?” She used it when trying to help a client get closer to the felt sense in their body. The client went cognitive, and my supervisee was patient. The client eventually was able to tune into her emotion and share in a vulnerable way. 

My supervisee’s next challenge is focus and efficiency. She’s doing incredible EFT. Now she’s just fine tuning.

Do you use or overuse “What’s that like?” It’s the quintessential therapist question and somewhere along the way - we all inherited it in our vocabulary. And, really - no biggie if you love “What’s that like?” and stop reading right now. But if you’re curious about using less energy as you work - consider swapping out all your broad questions for specific ones. Figure out what you’re really wanting to know.

Yes, I said less energy. The more focused you are, the more efficient your sessions are. The more efficient your sessions are, the less energy you take to move through the tango. The less energy you take, the less burnout you have. The less burnout you have, the longer you’ll last in this field! And, we need you!

How focused are your questions? When you say “What’s that like?” - what do you really mean?

What’s that like on the inside? The felt sense in your body?
Can you feel it right now?
What is it that you tell yourself?
When this happens, what do you notice that you typically do?
What does this compel you to do? Even now?
How is it to see your partner show you this tender part of him/her?
What are you noticing as you look your partner in the eyes and hear, “I love you. I only want you.”?

Ask a specific question. When you say “What’s that like?” -  chances are your client thinks they need to explain more. And they will. From their head. Also, check yourself - are you using “What’s that like?” because you don’t know where to go? If so, you have time! Don’t forget that this process is collaborative.Our clients don’t expect us to be magicians. Try saying, “Hang on a sec. Let me get my bearings. I hear you say XYZ…” and give yourself time to know what you want to really ask.

Specific questions move your clients closer to themselves.

“What’s that like?” isn’t a bad question. It’s just not a focused question.

If you’re a parent, this analogy might help. Imagine your kid comes home from school and you say, “How was your day?” What will they say? “Good!” (By the way, this is me every day - so no judgment.)

What if you said, “Who did you play with at recess?” or “Did you learn anything new in math class?” You’ll probably get a lot more, right? Bonus points if you actually want to know. Authentic curiosity gets amazing responses.

I think that’s kind of the difference between, “What’s that like?” and, for example, “What do you feel on the inside when you say ‘I’m on my own’?”

So, what’s it like to read this blog post and maybe get rid of “What’s that like?”

*The picture with this post is of Anna Lockhart, an amazing therapist on my team. This is from a photo shoot right after we became Red Therapy Group. She’s posing like she’s doing therapy with a client (my Dad). I love the back of his head. :) She’s now an EFT Supervisor in training!

**If you like these blog posts - you’ll love my new book:
I Have Feelings About This: Your Inner World Is the Compass for Reimagined Success.
Get your copy now!