5 Kinds of EFT Sessions
Do you judge your sessions? For example, if the session doesn’t include an “aha” or your couple doesn’t feel connected - is there a tinge of disappointment? Why is it that, as therapists, we think if we don’t have “breakthrough sessions” that we’re not hitting the mark? Maybe it’s an implicit message sent to us when we watch Trainer’s sessions (especially if you’re only seeing their “breakthrough sessions”)? I think a lot of you have evolved to not expect breakthrough sessions every time. But, if you’re honest, you’re still low-key disappointed.
As a therapist doing my own EFIT therapy, let me tell you - all sessions have value. And the different kinds of sessions serve different purposes. If you haven’t experienced EFT therapy yourself - you really must. I can’t think of a better way to grow - both as a human and as a therapist. I’m much more aware of the nuances in the process because I’m experiencing it personally.
What if instead of judging our sessions as “good” or “meh” or “bad,” we had a different way of categorizing them?
Are you ready for a list? Who doesn’t love a list? Below is my list of five session categories. This isn’t official research - it’s anecdotal data from my own personal therapy and my experience as a therapist. Add to this list if you want!
Assessment - While we should constantly be assessing in order to know where to go (that’s a big part of Move One in the Tango), there are assessment-heavy sessions. That’s in the beginning of the process (the first two or three sessions, depending on if you’re working with a couple or an individual). Sometimes it’s also helpful to pause in the middle of the process and do an assessment session again. You might have more safety, so you can learn more. Assessment should never be solely a checklist, and you should not be removed emotionally as you assess. This should be conversational and experiential. I’ve also learned to be direct and ask direct questions. So, it’s a balance really: direct, conversational and experiential. Don’t dance around what you’re assessing for. For example: “I saw on your paperwork that you have suicidal thoughts. Do you find yourself going to that dark place often? Where you want to end your life? When was the last time that happened?” AND “Have you been able to put together what typically triggers that for you? What happens right before? And your thoughts sound like what? And then what would I see?”
Discovering Blocks - You know those sessions that don’t end wrapped in a nice, tidy bow and sort of leave you feeling “meh” or at worst like you’re failing your client? Guess what? Those can be the most important sessions of all! This is where you get data. It could be a block that you really need to know about. It could be a rupture in alliance or misattunement, which parallels real life (not just the therapy bubble) and provides a good opportunity to model repair. I’ve had so many sessions with couples that end raw, and I worry! I worry that if there isn’t the relief, clarity or comfort - I’m not helping. I’ve learned that a lot can happen between that moment and the next time I see them.
I’m also better at move 5 - so whatever happens, I’m able to let couples know, “This is ok - I know it doesn’t feel good, but it helps me know where to go from here and we’ll come back to this. This is where you get and stay stuck, and we need to see it and feel it in order to work through it.” It’s extra helpful if I can name the block in a succinct way (that’s not always the case - sometimes I’m just as confused as the couple/individual).
I just had a session in which one partner said the other one really needs individual therapy/that she just wasn’t handling life very well. Yikes and ouch. It was 7 minutes before the end of the session. I needed to see that. I was able to use it and reflect the overall cycle. It didn’t end badly, and it didn’t end amazingly. But, I’m grateful for it, because I got to see a very raw moment that just highlights the mutual vulnerability in that relationship (where one partner feels alone and judged, and the other feels detached and doesn’t know what to do). This is a place I would highlight on my psychotherapy notes. I want to check back in at the very beginning of the next session. Naming, organizing and caring for blocks, with therapist intention - this leads to movement.
Baby Steps - These are the sessions that feel like nothing to you, but they actually add up. Take it from a client’s perspective (me, lately - in my own therapy): the safety of being with a therapist that is focused and caring is worth every penny and minute invested. I’ve had sessions (as a client) where I didn’t necessarily have a “take away” or anything I held onto - but I just felt better afterward. Obviously we want to be as explicit, focused and attuned as we can be - always. But, don’t get discouraged if despite all of that effort - you end up with a “baby step” session. Sometimes it’s timing - you’re off your game, the client is distracted or the stars just don’t align. Baby step sessions have value because they parallel how progress is actually made. I don’t think our nervous systems are meant to have breakthrough sessions every time. We need the baby step sessions to be able to integrate it all into our life. If we didn’t have baby step sessions, we would expect LIFE to be one breakthrough after another. And sometimes it’s just mundane and kind of nothing. And that doesn’t mean anyone’s doing anything wrong. Now, if you’re a client or therapist and ALL you have is “meh” sessions - it’s time to evaluate. You might not be getting or delivering the kind of focus that actually moves through a process to get results.
Breakthrough - Admittedly, these are amazing. Even though I’m writing this “all sessions have value” post - I do kinda wish I could have only breakthrough sessions. But actually, I wish that more as a therapist than I do as a client. Hmmm. That’s telling isn’t it?
These are the sessions that motivate you to continue being a therapist. These are the moments that give you renewed faith in the model, and you feel such purpose in the world. These sessions move you to tears and also reclaim your faith in humanity. You skip out of your office, call your person and say, “I love my job! I feel so good at my job!”
The longer I’m a therapist, the less excited I get about “breakthroughs.” I know they’re good and I know it’s going to have a life long impact on my clients - but I also don’t expect it to be smooth sailing after that. Security in EFT means the lows aren’t as low, but it also means the highs aren’t as high. It’s stable and it’s good. I personally had an incredible breakthrough session as a client, and then my next session was a Discovering Blocks session. Then, right after that I felt a Breakthrough (not during the session). The non-linear nature of this process is not only true in the Tango, but it’s also true from session to session.Consolidation through Repetition - These are the sessions in which the client might literally say, “Oh. It’s the same thing. Wow.” And you might say, “Yeah, I remember this. Even though we’re talking about XYZ this time, isn’t it interesting? It’s that same part of you that needs to know your worth isn’t contingent on what you do.” Repetition should be happening in every session. In other words, you want to make sure your sessions aren’t content-driven, rather process-driven. And if you’re trying to follow the Tango, you should be doing some version of the same thing each time - with flexibility and attunement.
So, repetition is just part of the overall process. We repeat the process by moving through the Tango every session - looking for attachment themes and following emotion. In that repetition, you might take clients through different “doors” (content) to get to the same “room” (view of self, attachment fears and longings).
When we do that - we’re consolidating. You might do a version of that all throughout the Stages of EFT, but this is all you’re doing in Stage 3. I’ve wondered if sometimes when we think we’re back in Stage 1 (after dipping our toes in Stage 2) - what if we’re actually just consolidating? It’s Stage 3, but the cycle makes it feel like Stage 1? Or it’s an opportunity to go even deeper in Stage 2. If I’m losing you here - it’s ok. This is very nuanced. The main takeaway is that consolidation (old information, old problem, new way of seeing self/other) is so valuable. It’ll happen naturally, and you might miss it if you think consolidation is supposed to be cognitive or about problem solving.
If you follow the Tango with attunement, focus and flexibility - you’ll naturally have one of the five types of sessions. The only type you should have an agenda with are assessment sessions. The rest should happen organically, and you need to be willing to be open enough to not know for sure how it’s going to go. You can have your game face on, be feeling amazing and BOOM - it’s a Discovering Blocks session. Learn to mentally categorize it as such. It’s not a failure - it’s an important part of the process.
As I read this whole post back, I’m realizing the types of sessions almost perfectly mirror the steps and stages and the Tango. There’s a feel to each part of the process and it’s certainly not linear. It all has value. We can’t expect to feel amazing every session. The next time you’re tempted to categorize your session as “good”, “meh” or “bad” - take a second glance. Maybe it’s more accurate to label it as one of the five: 1) Assessment 2) Discovering Blocks 3) Baby Steps 4) Breakthrough or 5) Consolidation.
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