Passing the Baton

The integrity it took for my physical therapist to say, “I think you should try this pelvic floor specialist” - for that, I’m forever grateful.

I’ve had chronic back issues, and after several attempts at remedying the issue, I landed on a holistic physical therapist that I really liked. But then the exercises she assigned to me actually made me worse. I didn’t understand. How could someone so good prescribe something so bad? Of course what she prescribed in itself wasn’t bad, but it left me in a pretty bad spot.

I almost didn’t go back, but I had so much respect for her. So I decided to text her. “Do you think it’s wise for me to come back? My back is in a pretty flared up place. Should I wait until I’m somewhat back to baseline?”

She said, “Come. There are some gentle things I can do to help with the pain.”

While I was there, she didn’t dismiss that the exercises made me worse. And she started thinking outside the box. Given my birth history (two C-Sections and a DNC) - she wondered out loud, “Have you ever had a full pelvic floor assessment?” No. No I had not.

I only saw that physical therapist twice. But, her ability to pivot quickly with astute assessment and referral makes her among the top professionals I’ve ever encountered. I wish all medical professionals saw themselves as one small part in a marathon of health. Her baton-pass alone wins a gold medal in my heart.

With the pelvic floor specialist, after a decade of back pain - I’m finally getting results.

EFT therapists sometimes believe EFT should fix everything. It doesn’t. It’s magical, but it’s not magic. We have to adjust all the time. We might suggest individual therapy to focus on trauma or addiction in addition to or in place of couples work (at least for a time). We might suggest couples work to strengthen a bond in order to do deep individual work. And finally, we might refer out to a provider who can prescribe psychiatric medication.

I’ve seen clinicians refer out too quickly because they don’t feel confident in EFT. A big chunk of intensive referrals I get come from couples therapists that are in over their head. They think the couple needs an intensive. That’s not really accurate. The couple just needs focused EFT. That would have been me, by the way. Back in the day, I wanted to refer all my hard couples to a trainer. So, there’s a balance to sending clients to other professionals. Don’t refer out just because you’re overwhelmed. Seek supervision and support. Hard clients teach us the most.

Part of being confident in a model includes knowing how to do a thorough assessment and when to refer. There’s also an art to making the referral. If you’re making a suggestion for one partner to get individual therapy - how do you do that without them feeling like the identified patient? Sometimes you can’t avoid the shame spiral, but you can certainly be clear and as non-pathological in your delivery as possible.

An EFT Supervisor I really respect once said, “Once I stopped trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, EFT became really fun.” In other words - she assesses quickly and thoroughly and is able to only work with clients that are in a place to do the work. This might mean that both partners in couples work have clear and similar goals. Or it might mean that additional resources are in place to do effective deep emotional work (like focus on sobriety for example).

Part of my block early on (and maybe still) in making a referral is not wanting to appear like I’m copping out. I will go above and beyond to help someone when, sometimes, I might be missing the point. Sometimes helping is referring. And I’m not the only one that can help. I’m grateful for a community of providers I can confidently refer to. 

The physical therapist I saw twice made me feel like she cared about me above her ego or her business. That speaks volumes. When you think about your growth as a therapist, consider that part of what makes you good is the ability to assess thoroughly, with compassion, and to refer when needed.

*Share the love! Forward this to a friend.

Friend: Click here to sign up for monthly blog posts.