I Want What I Have
I'm doing something a little different for this post. This is a piece I wrote recently and it's more personal than what I normally share with you guys. I hope you enjoy it! I do think it relates to our work and the basic desire we all have - to really be with those we love.
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This summer, my family obliged to the 7 year old’s request. Yes Day.
For one day, the parents have to say yes. From sun up to sun down. Under a few conditions:
No money spent outside of food.
No traveling further than 30 minutes from the house.
Nothing dangerous.
Only family members (no friends and no sleepover).
I’ve already known in theory that I have all I need. Yes Day solidified for me what it means to live into what you have.
Without this clarity, the essence of what I’m going for in life gets a bit lost.
I can be deluded into thinking that I want to change the world. Do I? Really? I mean, I’ll try to change the world - but do I really need to? And, at what cost?
I can be deluded into thinking that I want to have influence. Outside of my family? I mean, really? How much? At what cost? And for what reason?
I wish I could bottle up the feeling I had at the end of Yes Day. And during Yes Day.
We made up a family dance. Lots of laughing. Somehow, we managed to choreograph, perform and record a dance that was sort of good. With a lot of non-dancers in the family. I got a little bossy during it. I owned it and was totally embraced by my family. Because, let’s be honest - everyone did want to actually create something worth showing off.
We had a family drawing contest. Completely initiated and curated by Colby. The rules and instructions were just as fun as the drawing. Turns out, I can not draw a dinosaur - but I can create a picture and get points for humor.
Ella taught Jeff her try out dance that got her into the school squad. Jeff LEARNED it. Like, he was actually doing each move. I’ve never laughed so hard. Tears and convulsion type of laughter. The best feeling ever.
We had a ping pong tournament. Who knew Lucy was as good as she is? Also, Ella is an amazing loser. She didn’t lack confidence ever. And loved every minute of the game. Losing.
We swam together at night. Rules were - parents in the pool the entire time. I felt like a kid again. I did flips underwater, we made up silly games and played them. I felt my children’s skin against mine. Jeff and I slow pecked (much to our kids' disgust - but also they love it).
We had non-stop monetary free fun. Come to think of it, the ways that we spent money (donuts, lunch out, dinner carried in) - weren’t the best parts of the day.
It was the space to connect and laugh. To be unplugged. To see that more than anything else - this fills me up. This is that feeling I want to bottle up. I want more of this. And I want to live in a way that gives me more of this.
Yes Day didn't happen overnight.
Jeff and I have worked hard on our relationship. Yes Day was what it was because we trust each other. There’s enough trust to play.
It wasn’t perfect. But even in the struggle - I want it. The kids had a really hard time thinking of things to ask that didn’t cost money. That was eye-opening for Jeff and I.
We say that our family is the most important thing. But, do we live it? Do we trust that we have what we need and what we want? It’s easy to make people happy (ourselves included) by buying stuff. Even if it means something for the family to enjoy (an activity together). But actually - it’s so much simpler than that.
What we actually want and need we have. Without money. We actually have more of it when we don’t spend money. Or try to add to it or fill in the space (with our phones, screens, etc).
I want to live in a way that all my decisions are filtered through this question:
“Will it take away from or add to what I already have (and love)?”
To get more of what you have is actually not as simple as it sounds. It doesn’t mean only spend time together and never buy anything. But, it also means keeping our focus on what matters. Constantly.
Instead of trying to bottle up a feeling and hope it lasts, I want to keep the source flowing. I want to take the kinks out of the hose and let it do its thing.
We have it. Let’s protect it and tap into it!