Connection. Who Needs It?

You know how all good things overlap? It seems that truth is truth everywhere. For example, what's true about good parenting seems to also be true about good therapy.

My son is three years old. For those of you that have small kids, I need to say no more. For those that have older kids, do you remember? For those of you that don't have kids - have you been around a 3-year old lately? They are adorable, exhausting, demanding and in my case, a tad bit diva.

I've been cracking down on my phone use lately and making a real effort to be in the space around me (instead of filling space with distraction). We all say we want to do this, but it's actually really hard to do. Add in a 3-year old that's screaming because he can't go back in time to his sister's birthday party RIGHT NOW and well, not choosing another portal to disappear into is just pure discipline.

Of course when you cycle with your kids, you feel shame and maybe think "I'm messing my kids up and I should just go ahead and put money away for their therapy." Or is that just me?

Another thought I might have is "my son really needs connection right now."

But guess what I forget about? I need connection. With my son. In order to not lose my mind.

I've learned this truth again and again, but it somehow always surprises me. I spent yesterday exploring Nashville with my son and we jumped in puddles together. I started to look at him differently and felt like there was a new invisible piece of rope, tethering us together. I felt his heart.

So, when he lost it when his sisters came home from school (because I couldn't be with him in the same way), the invisible rope held us together. 

Isn't the same true for us and our clients? We always think our clients need this or that, but what about what we need?

Don't we as EFT therapists need to feel connected to our clients in their pain in order to do the hard thing that is therapy? And when an enactment doesn't go like we planned, that invisible rope holds us all together. We have reassurance that we know something about their heart and they know something about ours - it helps us to stay engaged and move into the space instead of spiraling out.

See if when you feel like you're not getting it right, you can shift your goal to getting what you need. Tune into your own curious self and engage in your clients pain. The results are always amazing!