EFT Leaks

The annual EFT externship in Nashville just happened a month ago. It was amazing, as always. Kenny and Gail, the dynamic duo pulled it off again. I brought two couples for the live sessions. Kenny demonstrated his heightening skills with a withdrawer of mine and Gail facilitated a very powerful stage one session with a highly escalated couple with trauma. I always leave the externships feeling refreshed, buoyed and ready to go back to my office - full of EFT energy.

But then, inevitably, the energy leaves. The rut of pain and suffering take over and I can't see past what my clients see. What is attachment again? Emotion matters why? 

A therapist at the externship asked me the age-old question: "What would you say is the most important thing to remember in doing this work?"

I don't know if this is the most important, but it's what I said in the moment: "EFT leaks."

We can't learn this model in an externship, some core skills - get certified and then BOOM - off we go on auto-pilot as an amazing EFT therapist. 

The thing that is both beautiful and hard about this model is we do as therapists what is counter-intuitive. We do for our clients what they can't do in their relationship. We LEAN INTO secondary emotions. What other time in your entire life do you do this? You can only do it with training and constant reminders of why we need to do this. Left to your own, you're going to do with your clients what you do with your spouse or friend if they shut down, placate or get angry. You will lean out. That's exactly what comes naturally and is to be expected. 

Also, attachment and systemic thinking aren't actually natural. You may think you're systemic to the core, but once you're triggered - is your natural reaction to see your problem as a system? If so, please have coffee with me. I want to meet the super human that you are. Our natural inclination is to point the finger either at ourself or the other person. It's never the system or an attachment reframe ("of course you do this because this person matters so much.") Not at first, anyway.

So, EFT Leaks. How is that helpful to know? 

If you're going to make it as an EFT therapist, you have to water your soul with EFT. I have blocked out hours in my work week that I watch training videos or read articles on EFT. I get inspired, validated and renewed. Some times I learn something new. Other times I re-learn something but it lands in a new way. All the time, it energizes me.

Why do you think EFT trainers are as good as they are? They are watering their soul all the time! The training they do to teach others also serves to remind themselves of the basics.

The basics drew us all to EFT and yet they are counterintuitive and counter cultural. 

We behave badly for GOOD reason.

Our secondary emotions are adaptive and deserve honor and dignity.

We desperately need to matter. We need to be able to reach for one person and for that one person to be there - that's not pathological. It's the very thing that drives us.

These basics are truths that need watering. Without reminders, we protect ourselves and lose our focus - just like our clients.