“Did I Go Deep Enough?” is the wrong question.
It makes sense why you would ask that. Your enactment fell flat. You end the session and you’re not exactly sure what it was about. There were tears. Your couple is looking at you with bewildered eyes. They’re confused. You’re confused. Listen, I’ve been there SO many times.
And so, this is EFT - where we follow and stay with emotion. Logically - you ask yourself (and your supervisor) “Did I go deep enough?” “Am I accessing emotion well enough?”
It’s the wrong question. “Have I organized the emotion well enough?” That’s where you need to be aiming.
Move one is the foundation of the session. Do you want to build your session on sand or concrete?
In move one, you’ll see so much emotion. There’s reactivity and there’s the cycle. If one of the partners says something vulnerable - I bet you get so excited and jump on that!
Hold your horses. Have you organized it yet? A vulnerable statement or show of emotion in one partner doesn’t equal an automatic green light to move in and enact.
Take your time. Try to get the protective move and meaning-making for BOTH partners before you choose where you’re going to try to access or stay with emotion.
I’ve found that if I’ve tracked and repeated the cycle (using what’s happening right in front of me) at least twice, then maybe I’m ready to go to move two.
Move one is hard - but if you can nail this, I promise everything will be more clear. Staying with emotion in move two will be more organic. What you ask your client to enact will be easier to choose. Even the blocks make more sense when you have a solid move one.
Organizing emotion well in move one does a lot for you and your clients:
1) You earn the right to ask for the tender emotion. If you jump too quickly to vulnerability - the cycle will kick your ass.
2) You leave the session with more energy. If you wing it and jump on the first vulnerability you see (without taking your time to track the cycle and organize the emotion for both partners) - you’ll end up chasing a runaway train, hoping your amazing reflection will just stop your couple on a dime.
3) Your couple will get what you’re doing. It will feel like real therapy - not just active listening.
P.S. If all you’re doing is keeping the attachment frame (not teaching or shaming) and trying to track the cycle - you’re doing GOOD ENOUGH EFT. Don’t stop learning and growing. I promise a little EFT really does go a long way. These blogs are to help you fine tune - don’t stress about not having it perfectly.
P.PS. Guess WHAT?! Superpower PLUS is ready! If you like these blog posts, and have liked my little videos - please sign up for PLUS. Only $10/month. I’ll teach practical EFT skills and techniques in my one-hour LIVE and RECORDED webinars every month. I’m so excited. Here’s a short video - more about “Did I go deep enough?” and a little more about PLUS. To go right to the registration page for Superpower PLUS, click here.