The Road is Already There

I have a beautiful client that said a beautiful thing. In order to really appreciate this thing she said, you need to know she's been there. Like, really been there. So much trauma and so much suffering.

I'm seeing them as a couple and we've been in the trenches together for quite a while.

As therapists, we like to nerd out about making neuro-pathways for clients to travel. We love to think about neurons firing and re-wiring. We often learn about this in some kind of a "road" analogy. This concept of neuro-pathways and trauma was introduced to me through a wheat field analogy. The path to Grandma's house and back is well worn because the tall wheat is worn down in one place. So, those that go in the same direction (responses to trauma) - there's so much compassion there, because they go the way they know. It's about survival.

That analogy serves a purpose for sure. We think we're building brand new roads (or pathways in the wheat field) with the work we do. But, listen to this beautiful thing my client said:

"The road is already there. What we're doing is just getting rid of the debris."

She recognizes (and this took quite a bit of therapy to get here) that her need to get a loving response from someone when she's hurting is a road we're all born with and travel as long as we can. Along the way, the road gets covered up. Needs become irrelevant.

She doesn't see therapy as building a new road. Rather, she sees it as re-claiming the road.

Our job as therapists is to pick up the debris, piece by piece. Session by session.

Oh, what gorgeous work we do.

Happy Holidays to all of you! I'm extremely grateful for your friendship. We need each other. This work is beautiful, but it's also extremely challenging.

Enjoy time with those that you love the most! Hug them TIGHT. :)