Be Stubborn

I got stuck in my head on Monday. I was starting a 3-day intensive with a couple in crisis. I know from experience that day one is always the hardest. Everything is raw, the cycle is strong and rigid and the couple is desperate.

I had the thought, "There's too much damage. I just need to get through these three days and potentially help them divorce."

Sometimes that's true. But, they surprised me. They had breakthrough after breakthrough. The cycle kept coming, but it didn't stop EFT from helping them see underneath it. I was in tears with them by day 3. They have hope. Something they've never felt in almost 30 years of marriage.

Why does this still surprise me? I guess because I'm human. That hopeless feeling creeps up every now and then regardless of how many miracles I've witnessed. The moments in therapy when couples connect on a deep level - those shake me out of hopelessness. And, I'm floored.

I've learned to trust EFT when a thought like, "What am I even doing?" (about the couple, the process or sometimes the world) - when it comes, I just let it be. Yes, here it is again. It's human to have these moments. But, I've learned not to act on them.

What got that couple from hopeless to hope? The tango, tracking the cycle, enactments, affect assembly, attunement. That's it. Nothing that you don't already know about.

The difference between me now and me 10 years ago is I don't panic when I feel hopeless. I stick with the model. It has come through for me time and time again.

If you're about to give up on the model of EFT, don't. Be stubborn. Get supervision. Work through your blocks. And, have patience. No one is doing this model perfectly. But, if you trust it and stick with it, I promise it'll be worth your while.