Begin with the End in Mind
Have you ever been a client? Have you ever sat in a waiting room?
I have, and let me tell you - it's terrifying. The nerves are high. Even if you're happy or excited - there's an energy that's just crazy. You don't know what's going to happen, you know at least you'll probably be vulnerable. You want it. You don't want it. Aaaahhh!
Being a client in the waiting room really helped me to realize the session starts in the waiting room.
As I leave my office to go get my clients from the waiting room, I make sure I'm ready. There are days that I'm not on my game and I'm sort of going through the motions. Those days are hard, but as much as I can - I try to remember what my clients feel in the waiting room. When I enter that room, I MAKE SURE to make eye contact, smile and greet both partners by name (if I'm working with a couple). I want everyone to feel safe and to know I'm with them - from the waiting room all the way to the end of the session.
I've learned that the first 10 minutes of the session can set the tone for the whole hour. The safety you establish in the waiting room, keeping eye contact and smiles through the chit chat, business part in the beginning (never let that go over 5 minutes by the way).
If you see that your individual, couple or family is not ok (you can tell by body language) - address that! You might have a fabulous plan for the session, but when couples come in cycling - you just have to drop the plan for the hour and attune. Safety and soothing. That might be all you do for one hour. It's ok. It's just as important as tracking the cycle or accessing deeper emotions.
OPENERS. I'm going to list my favorite openers - but this is just to get you started! Add to this list. Ask other EFT clinicians what they say. Before I do that, though - here's what NOT to say- "How was your week?" or "How are you?" - those questions lead to content and you end up having to work harder to get focus of the session.
GOOD EFT OPENERS:
How have you noticed yourself in your relationship recently?
I can see by your body language that things aren't ok. I want to take this slow and really help you so I'll be interrupting you a lot. It's only so that we can keep safety in this room. Can you tell me what's going on?
Last session we ended with ______. I would like to go back there. Does that feel ok with you?
I want to really see your relationship in action. Will you let me be a fly on the wall? What do I see? How does it go between you?
How have you noticed yourself through your days more recently? (for individuals)
All of these questions are priming the client for PRESENT process. Move one of the tango. These kind of focused questions helps the client to orient themselves to therapy. Once you get going - you'll be asking more assessment questions (NOT PROCESSING QUESTIONS) before you make a decision about where to move in.
When you assess, you're trying to actually see what they're talking about. Don't ask "what's that like for you or how does that feel" until you're ready to assemble emotion. It usually takes around 15-20 minutes to get a good "lay of the land." When working with a couple, you'll want to make sure that you're hearing from both - otherwise you won't know where you are to know where to go.