The Cycle Will Do More Damage than Our Interruptions

This is what my supervisee and I wrote down as something to remember when we feel ourselves getting afraid to interrupt.

Why are we afraid to interrupt? (Everyone is, by the way)

• We were taught that it's rude to ever interrupt (potentially by caregivers or in school).

• We're afraid the individual being interrupted will feel "too much" or that we'll somehow confirm the message that they shouldn't take up space.

• We're afraid of conflict - that the person we're interrupting will get mad.

• We don't really know what to say when we interrupt - we just know we need to interrupt, so instead of interrupting, we wait to see if that magic thing to say comes.

We have good reasons to be afraid to interrupt. But what happens when we don't? That's right. Our clients cycle. They get escalated and it's so hard to reign them in.

The cycle ALWAYS does more damage than our interruptions could ever do.

I think the only caveat to that is if when you interrupt you're saying something completely shaming and terrible in your reflection. I feel like I know you. You're not doing that. You wouldn't be interested in EFT and reading this far in an EFT newsletter if you were doing that.

Chances are - you're too nice. You accommodate and spin everything positively so that everyone feels as loved as possible.

Our clients need accurate reflections of what's happening. Read Wesley Little's blog post about that for more. She puts it way better than I could.

Here you go - permission to "be rude" and interrupt! The quicker you interrupt and accurately reflect/validate - the safer the room becomes. You are in charge of safety. Our clients need to experience their cycle in the most safe way possible. The only way to do that is to take it frame by frame (which requires lots of interruption).

What are your favorite ways to interrupt when you don't know what to say?
Here are some of mine (general enough statements that they usually work at anytime):

• "I'm trying to get a sort of handle of how this goes between you and I think I'm getting a little lost. Let's see if we can slow this down."

• "I'm listening to what you're saying and taking notes, but somehow I'm missing it. Can I try again?"

• "I hear your words and they're important to me. Part of what I need, though is to gather some data about how it goes between you. Let's see if I can back up a bit."

• "What you're saying matters so much. Just so I make sure I'm getting it right before you keep going, let me say it back to you. Then I need to check in with your partner and I'll come back to you."

• "Hang on a sec. I'm right here. I need to get a little closer to what you're experiencing. Could I take some time to do that? I don't want you to do what you do outside of counseling in this space. I really need to keep this safe on behalf of your relationship."

See if you can add some potential interruptions to this list. Use your words, your style, your voice. Make it genuine.