Make Clarity Your Goal
EFT draws therapists in like a good love story. Everyone loves to see connecting moments. How can you say no to a model in which you can witness a couple falling in love all over again right in front of your eyes?
As you learn the model and put it into practice, be careful that you haven't made connection your goal.
In stage one especially - clarity is what brings connection. Clients have to first understand their protective moves and the attachment intent behind it. They have to have a felt sense of the impact it has on their partner.
Your enactments should have a specific goal. Think of the goal as "clarity" not "connection."
I've watched a lot of tapes of EFT therapists in training and the main reason they can give for what they choose to enact is that they hope the couple will connect.
That's too lofty a goal without clarity. Clarity brings safety. Safety breaths room for connection.
Are your enactments about the interaction in the relationship? If your goal is connection, you might make the enactment be about how they feel about a certain topic/event that happened. That won't bring clarity about their general negative interactive pattern. They might feel connected as a result - but if they aren't clear about how they get stuck in general - the connection is impossible to get back. It's like sand through your fingers - you can't really hold connection without clarity.
EFT Tennessee just had an intro to EFIT training with EFT Trainer, Dr. Greg Cheney. He referenced this Carl Rogers quote:
“Before every session I take a moment to remember my humanity. There is no experience that this person has that I cannot share with them, no fear I cannot understand, no suffering that I cannot care about, because
I too am human.
No matter how deep their wound, they do not need to be ashamed in front of me. I too am vulnerable. And because of this,
I am enough.
Whatever their story, they no longer need to be alone with it.
This is what will allow their healing to begin.”
As you engage with EFT and try to make clarity your goal in your enactments, remember that it's your humanity that gives you what you need to connect with clients. Eventually your clients will have enough safety and clarity to connect with themselves and others.