The Chase for Space

Have you noticed that podcasts are starting to act like Netflix? “If you like XX, you’ll LOVE XX.” And then an episode of a similar topic on another podcast automatically plays. My personal algorithm is narrowing in on the theme of redefining success.

I was walking this morning and I heard the intro music roll in. I had no idea what was about to play, but then I heard, “You get to the point when $1 billion isn’t enough. Because someone else is making $5 billion.” Hang on! I don’t think this episode is for me. But then I heard more. I listened to a very successful person talk about what matters more than money. When “enough” is actually enough.

Now I can tune in. Yes, we need money to feel secure. We want to plan for our future and pay for all the things right now. And we want to relax with at least a small cushion. Most of you reading this aren’t millionaires (much less billionaires).

Therapists aren’t rolling in cash. You can make a good living and feel good about what you’re doing - but what’s more important than that is how you feel in your actual life.

I’m on the chase for space.

I think that’s why Apple and Google and whoever else is in control of my iPhone is sending me podcasts on redefining success.

I want to make enough money that I’m able to be generous. Really generous. And I want to live a spacious life. Is that too much to ask?

I don’t think it is. But, ironically - there is a chase for space.

When you think you’re close - you see the bottom line. It’s not quite what you thought. Or it’s going to take longer to get where you want to go. There’s a constant balance of “don’t burn out” and “work enough/work smarter.”

Something else I’m hearing from these podcast guests are attempts at solutions. Think of it this way, frame it that way. The irony is the podcast recording itself exists in a very fast world. The scheduling, recording, editing, marketing - this thing takes some hustle and money to pull off! I just wish someone would go a bit deeper than cognitive solutions.

No one’s talking about how to tune in. We have a leg up as EFT therapists! We have the map to tune in to ourselves in order to know where we are and where we want to be.

Take a moment. When did you last get triggered about your work/life balance? The lack of money or space?

Get super specific. You know where I’m going! We do this with clients all the time. Can you visualize yourself in the moment? What was happening on the outside that set things off? Pause the scene. Focus in on the trigger.

What happens on the outside? (cue/trigger)

Imagine the very specific cue in the environment that set everything in motion for you. The more specific you can get, the closer to your experience you’ll be. Try to be as visual as you can when thinking about the cue or trigger. Was it the look on someone’s face? The number in your bank account? Finding out that you’re not able to be at your kids' thing at school? 

For the sake of example - let’s go with not being able to make your kid’s school function because of work. You got the flier and realized it conflicted with sessions.

What happens on the inside? (non linguistic appraisal/physiological sensation)

Once you visualize the cue, notice what’s happening in your body. Try not to judge or make sense of it just yet - just notice it in your body. Do you feel anger in your face? A sinking in your stomach? Tightening in your chest?

Example: I’m imagining seeing the flier and I notice a knot in my stomach. It’s tense and I think I feel a mixture of anger at myself, guilt and helplessness.

What do you tell yourself? (reappraisal/meaning making/cognition)

As you visualize the cue, and you can sense that feeling in your body - what’s the message that goes with that feeling? How are you making sense of what’s happening? This is often where the way we see ourselves, our relationships, or other people shows up. “I’ll never be able to get it right.” “It’s always going to be like this.”

Example: I see the flier, I have a knot in my stomach and I’m telling myself “It’s hopeless. No matter what I do, I’m going to let someone down.”

What does this make you want to do? (action tendency)

As you slow all this down and you’ve put together what happened on the outside (your trigger or cue), what you noticed on the inside and how you made meaning of it - now, what does all that compel you to do? What’s your knee jerk reaction to this? What do you think you normally do when you feel this way? What did you do in this situation?

Example: I see the flier, I have a knot in my stomach and I’m telling myself, “It’s hopeless. No matter what I do, I’m going to let someone down.” I work harder. I reschedule the session, change things around and pull off going to both. But, I also almost kill myself in the process. I feel proud? And worried that this pace is wearing me down.

Now that you’ve put it all together - basically your own cycle around your chase for space, what’s that like? For me, I’ve had to learn how to continue to chase space without losing the present. I think it’s kind of like the work version of coming back home to yourself and others. I feel grateful for where I am, and yet I wouldn’t say we’ve “arrived.” And maybe that’s the point. There’s no arriving - only evolving.