Top 10 EFT Myths
“EFT fixes everything.” WRONG. EFT is magical, but it’s not magic. If you feel stuck with a couple or individual, don’t automatically blame yourself or the model. Sometimes it’s timing, sometimes there’s something you don’t know that’s blocking progress and sometimes there just isn’t enough safety or basic stability to go through a process like EFT.
“You should be able to get couples through all the steps and stages in 8-20 sessions.” NOPE. That study was based on a specific sample size that might not be representative of who shows up in your office in 2023. If you talk to EFT trainers, many will say they wish those numbers weren’t out there. If you are working with a couple that has trauma (both from childhood and in the current relationship), it’ll take a lot longer to help them reach their therapeutic goals. If you have session-number shame, join the club. We’ve all been there. I had to stop looking at the session number and just attune to my clients.
“EFT therapists are warm, fuzzy and all about emotion.” Maybe some are - but the best EFT therapists I know are either assertive or have learned to be assertive in session. EFT therapists are very active in session. It takes warmth AND a bit of ummph to interrupt the cycle!
“If you’re an EFT therapist, we’ll be friends!” Sorry to tell you. Wrong again. Just because someone loves EFT doesn’t mean you’re automatically going to align on values or beliefs, or that your personalities will click together like a magnet. The beauty of EFT is its ultimate human message - we are hard-wired to connect, and we need to feel like we matter. But, EVERYONE wants that. Does that mean we need to be besties with everyone who promotes that message? Nope.
“If I put in the hours, I’ll get Certified.” Sigh. It’s not hours. Just like with your clients, there are emotional blocks you’ll likely have to work through to really get there. Approach Certification with an open hand. The more you try to control it, the more likely you’ll get in your own way.
“Once I’m Certified - I’ve arrived and I’m done growing in EFT.” Yikes. How do I tell you this? Certification is more like the beginning of learning. Are you ready to throw in the towel? Please don’t. There are so many who feel just like you. Carol Ann Conrad, EdD, LMHC and Certified EFT Therapist wrote her dissertation on the Evolution of the EFT Therapist. The summary article is on the resource page. Check it out! It’s very validating.
“EFT is a model I can read about and integrate into my work.” Have you tried this? Reading about EFT isn’t enough if you want to actually do EFT. This model is a foundational model. It’s a way of seeing the world. In order to lay the concrete, you need specialized training and support. If you don’t want to go all in - that’s ok! You don’t have to. Just be careful of “dabbling” and expecting results.
“A little EFT isn’t enough.” Ok, maybe this is counter to number 7. But, hear me out. A little EFT really is better than no EFT. People who have gotten specific training and are really trying to help their clients through an attachment lens, slowing down the experiential process - that alone will make a huge difference. It’s ok if you don’t have the Tango perfectly. It’s ok if you struggle with reactivity. Your presence and non-pathological view comes through. I cringe looking back at my earlier EFT work. But, I also remember my clients feeling like I really made a difference.
“There’s no room for cognition in EFT.” That’s not true! Remember that meaning-making and sharing the cognitive load is actually a huge part of assembling emotion! Yes, we follow emotion - but keep in mind that emotion includes cognition. Cognition isn’t necessarily content. The difference? Content is distracting and often not in the attachment channel. Cognition (how we make meaning of what’s happening) is really important.
“If I’m not as good as (enter your EFT hero’s name here), I won’t be able to really help my clients.” I’ve seen so many EFT therapists say they wish they could refer their clients to their EFT hero. No! You matter. Your relationship with your clients matters. It’s actually better for you to stay with your client and work through the stuck spot with them than for them to get a higher level of expertise from someone they don’t have a relationship with.
*If you’re struggling in EFT, don’t go it alone! I’m offering a subscription to $10 monthly webinars, breaking down interventions in bite-sized learning chunks. You’ve probably seen my videos about it. I would love to have you join us!