We Are Not Magicians

I’m jealous of my 9 year old. His squeal after feeling the ocean and playing a game of chase with the tide is infectious.

I feel my own joy return as we walk the shoreline. I watch him in awe. He is with himself and nature effortlessly. 

Fast forward to bedtime. I tuck him in and take a moment to close my eyes. I want to imprint the memory: his sparkly eyes looking up at me, mid-laughter. He expects my smile. All of this with the majestic ocean as our backdrop.

We all crave the ability to live simple pleasures. I want this. My clients want this. What’s in the way? Everything and nothing.

As a therapist, I see this first hand. You’ve seen it too - and it’s easy to get discouraged.

Clients show up late to therapy and once on the couch, they quiet their Apple Watch. The notifications stop, but phone addiction doesn’t. They spend big money for professional help, but they don’t know what they really want (other than immediate relief from their pain). And then they rush out the door to the next thing.

I’ve been at this for almost 20 years. Human fears and longings haven’t changed. But, what’s stacked against us is moving fast. Too fast, I fear.

The drive-thru version of life is a click away, but you can’t expedite mental health. We hope “trust the process” will save us all. But what if it’s bigger than that? What if the things stacked against us are bigger than the process? (Am I the only one that’s had really dark thoughts like this?)

Therapists aren’t magicians. And yet we’re expected to deliver. Quickly.

I worry the entire therapy industry will collapse under the weight of burn out. We’re competing with TikTok therapy, bad therapists that came before us and google-prescribed self-diagnoses. I’m pretty sure the actual problems are worse too: addictions, suicidality, infidelity and abuse.

That paragraph is depressing. So, I escape it all and feel the sand between my toes.

Most therapists are fighting for the same thing. We want a simple, spacious life with meaningful work.

I have no answers, except I think my son is onto something.

If the mental health industry is driven by what we google at midnight, I’m running away. I will not be sucked into algorithms and fake relief. And when my clients are, I’ll remember we’re the same.

Forgive my beach vacation - but if we could all taste the salt in the air and feel the connection of our most loved - I think we would try to return to it. And we would know the difference. 

The mental health system (especially in the US) is far from evolved.

What makes us human remains. Return to that and return to hope.