What’s Happening Right Now is What Got Us Here

A wife of a couple said that in an intensive with me yesterday. I was so blown away. I stopped her and said, "Oh my gosh. YES! Say it again." And she said it again and I wrote it down. This is after hours of tracking their cycle. It clicked for her. When I stopped them and zoomed in, she said, "Because what's happening right now is what got us here."

They are trying to mend from an affair and like most infidelity recovery couples, they just want to know how it could happen. "If we could just go back in time in order to mend the present" - that's the thinking. What's really counter-intuitive is that we have to go to the present to mend the past.

Because what's happening right now is what got us here.

I mean. It blew me away.

People will play over narratives and images in their head and they will react to that in the room with you. It's like two people having a conversation, desperately trying to mend hearts, but alone. It's one person's narrative and mind's image being shouted to another person's narrative and image. They don't match and so more defending and shutting down.

There's nothing new to do. Go to the tango. What they're saying is important (the content), but if they don't know "what's happening now" (on all the levels), then they won't ever be able to have the conversation to understand and repair "what happened then."