Paint it Green

“Anyone can duplicate a technique, but that’s not true expression. What’s interesting is true development.” - Chef on Chef’s Table

I stopped the show right there and jotted it down. This quote. They were talking about fine dining, but I think it applies perfectly to EFT therapy. Through years and years and YEARS of practice, you develop as an artist/therapist and that’s true expression. It has to be hard earned.

How many of you reading this identify as creatives? I bet a lot of you do. But, for those that don’t - maybe you should.

If you’re drawn to a process like EFT, you have to embrace the art of therapy. It’s not fun until you’re expressing yourself - a lot like chefs, musicians and painters.

I’m not meaning to romanticize it; I do have a bit of experience to back this up.

I recently had an intensive in which I helped one partner share her hurt. In typical pursuer fashion, she was explaining why she was hurt (all the ways her partner hurt her), but not really feeling the hurt itself.

Her partner was extremely responsive and the enactment went well. She felt heard and validated. You would think this would be a good place to explore with the other partner, right? We had time left in the session. The window of tolerance was looking good and open.

Something in me (and I can’t say it was entirely conscious) told me to go back to her hurt. I did a quick move 5, and pivoted right back to move 2 with her.

The hurt. I repeated the cues, validated all over again. I asked if I could feel it with her. Could we feel the full weight of it?

She followed me. She went there. This time she felt it in a deeper way. Her partner responded even more beautifully and shared some of his own longings. I stayed completely out of the way. Only at one point did I say, “Can you look in his eyes?” She was missing it. He was tearing up as he realized what he dreamed of for the both of them.

This time they embraced.

I told them at the end of the session, “This moved me. Thank you so much for trusting me with your relationship.” She asked if she could hug me.

The parts of that session that made the most impact came from a deeper place than technique. I wouldn’t have taught any of that in a webinar or in supervision.

When painters choose one more stroke over the landscape with the same shade of green, only deeper - eventually, this isn’t technique. It’s art. Two artists with the same ability and the same apprenticeship would never shade the same place with the same hue.

I believe that you have this in you. What does it mean to let go and paint? Some will tell you to meditate, focus more, remind yourself of where you are on the map and where you’re going.

I think it’s putting your time in. Session after session after session. Failing, realizing you’re not a failure. And seeing the beauty of the work despite you. Because of you. It’s a mystery and it’s practice.